Hey viewers! It’s time to play that exciting game of “How Do I Look”!
It’s simple to play, here are the rules:
- Player 1 asks player 2 “How do I look?”
- Player 2 then has to guess what player 1 really means and what player really 1 wants to hear.
- If player 2 guesses right (DING-DING), everybody wins, or so they may think, and everybody goes home happy.
- If player 2 guesses wrong (BBBBZZZZzzzzzttt!), everybody loses and player 1 doesn’t speak to player 2 for a month!
Hey, that sounds like fun! … … NOT!
“Do I look OK?””How do I look?”
If there were ever loaded questions, these are some of them!
If you’re misfortunate enough to be on the receiving end of a question like these, it’s almost impossible to know what is really being asked for. Does the asker >>REALLY<< want to know, or does she actually want something else?
Sometimes, yes, the asker does indeed want to know if there’s anything wrong, anything’s out of place, etc., but quite often, unfortunately, what she really wants to hear is that she looks nice, maybe young, slim, sexy, cute, GG-ish, or whatever.
Those who are put in the position of answering such a question often times don’t know what the asker really wants.
Yes, it is a game. (HDIL) A game not unlike those described in those Berne or Harris parapsychology self-help books of the 70′s, right up there with NIGYYSOB! (Google it if you’re curious.)
Wouldn’t it be nice if there were some easy to understand rules for this little game?!
Well, for the duration of DLV, let’s make a pact among ourselves and agree to play the game of How Do I Look by the following rules:
- RULE #1: When at DLV, don’t ask how you look unless you REALLY want an honest opinion!A corollary to this rule is to AVOID ASKING if all you want to hear is how good/cute/sexy/whatever you look!If you do indeed want some feedback, please be explicit as to what you want. “Do you think these shoes go with this outfit?” is much more meaningful than “How do I look?” and much easier to answer.
- RULE #2: When at DLV, please assume that the asker is playing by the rules and wants an honest answer.Be tactful, but be honest.
- RULE #3: If you ask somebody how you look and you don’t hear what you want to hear, don’t get upset at the person you asked and don’t take it out on him or her.
Let’s get in the habit of using feedback honestly at DLV.
“Yes, you look great!” might make the asker feel warm and fuzzy for a few minutes, but it’s doing nobody any good.
If you are asked for an opinion, please be very explicit as well. If something in particular of the outfit or look just “doesn’t work”, mention it specifically. If the look and the outfit look ok, but you don’t think it would be appropriate for the activity at hand (such as a strapless cocktail dress and 6″ heels for Lunch (wowoG) at the buffet) then please say so.
Another thing to consider is that what looks good to one person may not to another. Personal tastes and styles vary quite a bit, and in a group our size, we cover just about all points on the spectrum.
An example of this was on the DLV Discussion Forum last year where one reader asked for an opinion as to if “fashionably torn” jeans were appropriate for a certain activity. One response was that, in the opinion of the responder, the terms “torn” and “fashionably” do not go together.
And, let’s make a rule that if you’re uncomfortable playing the game of “How Do I Look?” altogether, you don’t have to play. Please feel free to opt out. You don’t have to explain anything, just say that you choose to not give opinions on how another looks.