Dear Mike
Ask Mike is a weekly column of letters, advice, answers, questions, and
other problems, published monthly on this web site.
Submissions may be made by writing to:
Dear Mike
PO Box 436, Dept. Rip2
Negonsak, NJ 08361
If you've got a problem, don't hold it in, let it out. Maybe Mike can help!
Kindly enclose $10 processing fee for each letter.
Kindly enclose $20 extra if you wish a response.
And don't forget about our fabulous catalog, which can give you most of the answers
before you even ask the questions!
Dear Mike: I'm a heavily closeted TV. I feel embarrassed going into a shop to buy
clothes or makeup, is there any way you can help me ?
Sincerely,
Debbie, Cloister, WV
Dear Debbie,
I suggest you send us $25 for a catalog,
as we have clothing, wigs, cosmetics, and books at reasonable prices and we cater to
the TV community.
Kindly enclose $5 extra for shipping and handling.
Fondly,
Mike
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Dear Mike: I've got a problem. My wife found out about my TVism yesterday, and now
she left me, sold the house, mortgaged the car, cleaned out our joint account, took
my Barbie Doll collection, and left me only some leftovers and that fuzzy thing that
covers the toilet seat. What should I do ?
Sally, Knomb, AK
Dear Sally,
I suggest you send us $25 for a catalog.
Now that you're free, you'll now be able to collect a much larger wardrobe, and you
can be sure we'll be here for you.
Kindly enclose $5 extra for shipping and handling.
Fondly,
Mike
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Dear Mike:
I've got blue eyes and naturally red hair. I don't know what kind of eyeshadow to use that
will bring out the color of my eyes and compliment the hair color. I think I look good
with blue eyeshadow, but it's so passe' these days. Can you recommend a shade?
Jessi Colon Jung, Provo, UT
Dear Jessi,
I suggest you send us $25 for a catalog.
We have countless shades of eyeshadow, and an easy-to-use color chart for only $15
extra.
Kindly enclose $5 extra for shipping and handling.
Fondly,
Mike
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Dear Mike:
I just don't know what to do, I'm now on diethylstilbesterol, bid, but I've heard that
there are some bad side effects, anyway, my endocrinologist wants to switch me to
premarin, but a friend of a gg friend of mine who knows this guy who's a first
year resident at UMC says that I should instead be on some kind of androgen blocker
like aldolactone or something. I just don't know who to believe.
Janet W., Denton, Home of Happiness
Dear Janet,
I suggest you send us $25 for a catalog.
You don't need hormones to get a foxy figure. Our "Tender Tips" at $39.95 (each) will give you
hooters like Pamela A, and our "Round Mound" padded brief at only $79.97 will give you
a killer ass. No need for those expensive and mind-altering drugs.
Kindly enclose $5 extra for shipping and handling.
Fondly,
Mike
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Dear Mike: Hi, I'm a pre-op TS. I'm 5'5", 125lbs, 34-24-35, with long blonde hair
and blue eyes. I've been full-time for 2 years now, and I've got a new job that pays
$70k per year, and I met this great guy and he's taking me to the Poconos this
weekend, and I just won $15,000 from a Vanna White look-alike contest, and I was
just awarded a scholarship to Columbia. I don't really need anything, I just like
talking about myself.
Gina Lolaberkowitz, New Canaan, CT
Dear Gina (nice name. btw),
I suggest you send us $25 for a catalog.
No reason in particular, just send it.
Kindly enclose $5 extra for shipping and handling.
Fondly,
Mike
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Dear Mike:
I'm having trouble pulling up your web page. I'm using Netscape 3.0 with Trumpet 2.2
on a P-120 with 32m RAM. When I try to bring up your catalog section, the machine
locks solid, I've got to reboot. Can you do something about this?
Jennifer Ann Tedd-Stanley, Pgh PA
Dear Jennifer Ann,
I suggest you send us $25 for a catalog.
Then you won't have to worry about the browser locking your machine.
Kindly enclose $5 extra for shipping and handling.
Fondly,
Mike